The 12 Emotional Needs
Self
Foundational
Safety
Feeling safe and assured in the face of challenge. The desire to gain the basic sense that you have the comfort, protection, and confidence to thrive.
Mantra: “Peace of mind”
Common Words: Security, Assured, Promise, Trust, Guaranteed, Comfort, Reliability, Confidence, Protected, Sheltered, Familiar, Peaceful, Calm
Insecurity
Feeling anxious or unsafe in the face of challenge. The fear of losing control or being exposed to danger or deprivation.
Mantra: “On edge”
Common Words: Insecure, Uncertain, Unsure, Risk, Danger, Exposed, Agitated, Nervous, Anxiety, Chaos, Worried, Threatened
Notions of Safety are explored in the work of Maslow (safety needs), Wm. James (psychological safety), and Bowlby & Ainsworth (secure base).
Experiential
Authenticity
Feeling able to express one’s distinctive individuality in the face of pressures to conform. The desire to gain the sense that you are different in a good way and can use this difference to successfully take actions toward a result you desire.
Mantra: “Know thyself”
Common Words: Found, Open, Free, Certain, Authentic, Unique, Liberated, Whole, Centered, Self-aware, Present
Conformity
Feeling unable to be true to one’s authentic self. The fear of losing one’s identity in the face of pressure to conform or to meet others’ needs or expectations.
Mantra: “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down”
Common Words: Lost, Closeted, Conforming, Pressured, Repressed, Faceless, Sameness, Stifled, Hiding
Notions of Authenticity are explored in the work of Horney and Erickson (identity).
Aspirational
Potential
Feeling that you are progressing toward self-actualization. The desire to gain the sense that you have the skill, control, and mastery to successfully become your best self.
Mantra: “Be all that you can be”
Common Words: Talented, In Command, Best, Goal, Dream, Actualized, Expert, Pinnacle, Skilled, Inspired, Destiny, Mastery, Advancing, Fulfilled
Limitation
Feeling unfulfilled or stuck in a situation that doesn’t allow you to become your best self. The fear of being exposed for your inadequacies or being blocked from achieving your full potential
Mantra: “It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not”
Common Words: Stuck, Unfulfilled, Blocked, Limited, Imposter, Inadequate, Uninspired, Wandering, Pigeon- holed, Dead-end, Faking, Pretending, Workmanlike, Mediocre, Run of the mill
Notions of Potential are explored in the work of Maslow (self-actualization).
Material
Foundational
Autonomy
Feeling capable and competent in the face of challenge. The desire to gain the basic sense that you have the ability, resources, and authority to successfully take action toward a result you desire.
Mantra: “Just do it”
Common Words: Empowered, Capable, Competent, Agency, Ability, In Control, In Charge, Authorized, Influential
Disempowerment
Feeling disempowered in the face of daily challenges. The fear of losing control over one’s daily life or lacking the ability to take action to meet one’s responsibilities.
Mantra: “Do what you’re told”
Common Words: Disempowered, Impotent, Out of Control, Drone, Cog, Trapped, Stuck, Replaceable, Enslaved, Incapable, Unable
Notions of Autonomy are explored in the work of Deci & Ryan (self determination) and McClelland and winter (need for power).
Experiential
Immersion
Feeling fully focused and engaged in the moment. The desire to lose yourself in activity, in a state of total awareness and flow, whether mental or physical.
Mantra: “In the zone”
Common Words: Focused, Engaged, In the Flow, Sparking, Awake, Alert, Aware, Energized, Absorbed, Immersed
Stagnation
Feeling stifled by or disengaged from activities. The dread of routine or boring activities that serve little purpose or provide little interest.
Mantra: “Dialing it in”
Common Words: Bored, Stifled, Disengaged, Tuned out, Unfocused, Zoned out, Listless, Distracted, Unfocused
Notions of Immersion are explored in the work of Csikszentmihalyi (flow) and Ryan and Deci (intrinsic motivation).
Aspirational
Success
Striving to feel a sense of achievement or accomplishment as a result of one’s effort. The desire to be victorious in attaining desired results and to experience material rewards as a result.
Mantra: “In it to win it”
Common Words: Winning, Achieved, Driven, On Top, Home Run, Goal, Score, Accomplished, Successful, Celebrate, Victorious
Failure
Feeling like a failure as a result of failed activities. The fear of not being able to achieve desired goals and experience rewards.
Mantra: “If you’re explaining, you’re losing”
Common Words: Failed, Losing, Struck out, Broke, Bombed, Hard Lesson, Lament, Rock Bottom, Crashed, Defeated
The need for success is explored in McClelland’s work on Achievement motivation.
Foundational
Inclusion
Feeling socially accepted, connected, and integrated. The desire to gain the basic sense that you belong and can develop social attachments and friendships.
Mantra: “We are family”
Common Words: Belonging, Included, Accepted, Connected, Integrated, Friendships, Colleagues, Peers, Community, Team, Cohesive, Citizen, Welcomed
Exclusion
Feeling like an outcast, disconnected socially and marginalized. The fear of being denied your rightful place in your social environment.
Mantra: “On the outside looking in”
Common Words: Ostracized, Outcast, Excluded, Marginalized, Denied, Alien, Other, Left out, Devalued, Uninvited, Unaccepted, Disconnected, Nobody, Persona Non Grata, Barred, Forbidden, Unpermitted, Unallowed
Notions of Inclusion are explored in the work of Maslow (belonging).
Experiential
Notions of Caring are explored in the work of Bowlby, Ainsworth and Harlow (nurturance).
Caring
Feeling able to give and receive love and nurturance. The desire to feel emotional nourishment, empathy, devotion, and experience mutual gratitude.
Mantra: “Sharing is caring”
Common Words: Caring, Loving, Thoughtful, Nurturing, Considerate, Embraced, Gratitude, Devoted, Attachment, Intimacy
Uncaring
Feel uncared for and feeling your caring for others is unwelcome. The fear of being unloved or uncared for in one’s community.
Mantra: “Seen but not heard”
Common Words: Unloved, Forsaken, Detested, Abhorred, Despised, Hated, Loathed, Ignored, Neglected, Abused, Mistreated, Rejected, Unwanted
Aspirational
Recognition
Feeling that you have achieved a status of being admired and esteemed. The desire to gain social acknowledgement that you have been successful in an important pursuit.
Mantra: “Hats off to you”
Common Words: Admired, Esteemed, Recognized, Acknowledged, Applauded, Venerated, Respected, Deferred to, Hailed, Lionized, Valued, Celebrated
Scorn
Feeling of being called out for failing to live up to the expectations or standards of your community. The fear of being ridiculed or shunned for failing in an important way.
Mantra: “Hang your head in shame”
Common Words: Undervalued, Shamed, Condemned, Called out, Vilified, Ridiculed, Unrecognized, Singled out, Disregarded, Derided, Held in Contempt, Looked down on, Embarrassed
Spiritual
Foundational
Notions of Justice are explored in the work of Piaget, Lerner and Bloom.
Justice
Feeling that you and your organization act in a fair, just, unbiased, and impartial manner. The desire to feel the basic sense that good is rewarded, bad is punished, and that gain goes to those most deserving of it.
Mantra: “If you want peace, work for justice”
Common Words: Just, Fair, Unbiased, Equal, Impartial, Egalitarian, Fair-dealing
Injustice
Feeling that you or your organization act in a biased, unjust manner. The fear of facing an environment that lacks a basic sense of justice, where good is not reward, bad is not punished and people are not treated equally.
Mantra: “The system is rigged”
Common Words: Ill-gotten, Unjust, Discriminatory, Biased, Unequal, Unfair, Rigged, Uneven playing field, Prejudiced
Experiential
Notions of Ethics are explored in the work of Kohlberg.
Ethics
Feeling that you and your organization act in accordance with a set of moral principles or universal values. The desire to feel that one (and one’s organization) acts in accordance with principled best practices and highest ethical standards.
Mantra: “Do the right thing”
Common Words: Principled, Best Practices, Standards, Honest, Responsible, Values, Consistent, Standards, High, Moral, Virtuous, Unwavering, Courageous, Duty, Transparent
Wrongdoing
Feeling that you or your organization acts unethically. The fear of committing acts oneself or being exposed to acts by others that don’t live up to moral standards.
Mantra: “Profits before people”
Common Words: Unethical, Morally Bankrupt, Sordid, Lapse, Low, Inconsistent, Questionable, Wavering, Breach of Trust, Dubious, Lying, Untrustworthy, Unreliable, Immoral
Aspirational
Notions of Higher Purpose are explored in the work of Maslow and Kohlberg (transcendence).
Purpose
Having a meaningful reason to live, work, and exist beyond satisfying material needs. The desire to transcend the ordinary limitations of everyday life toward a higher, even spiritual, purpose.
Mantra: “Those who have a Why to live can bear almost any How”
Common Words: Meaning, Higher Purpose, Reason to Live, Spiritual, Transcendent, Greater Good, Altruistic, Divine
Materialism
Holding material desires above others. The fear of leading a life without meaning or higher purpose.
Mantra: “He who dies with the most toys wins”
Common Words: Base, Material, Greed, Avarice, Shallow, Self-centered, Empty, Meaningless, Crass, Devoid
Social